Ramblings about the last six months

I still find it odd to know what I was doing 'x' months ago. This time six months ago I was waiting to get discharged from hospital and take Ada home. (Side note: my anti-natel teacher told us when we want to get discharged to be incredibly insistent to everyone who came into to see us. And I mean everyone. Every nurse, porter, person bring me food, we would tell them that we need to get discharged, we are leaving today. The post labour ward was horrendous. The midwives there were awful, and the polar opposite of the midwives on the delivery ward. Part of me understands their attitude - they probably have twenty or thirty mums and babies to deal with, but it didn't stop me hating them any less. At one point during the first night, Ada was crying and crying and I couldn't get her to stop. Dave had gone home and I felt all alone. I called a midwife to help me and she said that Ada was probably hungry and why not try feeding her. Because she was little and I think newborn babies get tired very easily she wasn't feeding well. The midwife put her hand on Ada's head and practically shoved her face into my boob. A lot more roughly than I would have done. Again, I understand that babies are a lot more resilient that one would think, but she wasn't even a day old. It a lot to take).

Where was I? Oh yes, 6 months ago. I feel like having a baby has both made time stand still and fly by. A complete contradiction, but babies, or at least Ada, always is. I think some of the reasons for this, for me, was that I was living day to day, and then week to week. When she was say, two months, I wasn't looking down the line to five, six months. I was just in the moment, dealing with whatever was happening in that week. Consequently, when you stop and take stock of your life you think 'do I really have a six month old baby. How the hell did that happen?'. 

I was looking back at a video I sent one of my sisters when Ada was around two months, and said something like 'Ada really loves the toucan (a toy she had on her playmat). Looking at it now she was so disinterested but I was so excited. Comparatively, Dave and I took her to the playground yesterday and she loved the swings (not like last time)                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 and was so expressive. But it makes me think, in six months from now, will I think the same about her and the toucan? Who knows, but it will be fun to find out 

I'm still breastfeeding her (except at night when she has a bottle of {expressed} milk). I really didn't think i would be at this stage, especially since she has one tooth that has broken through. In fact I remember saying, aloud, I'm going to stop breastfeeding her when she gets teeth. But there is something really special about breastfeeding her. A connection that only her and I share. Don't get me wrong, I'm not going to feed her until she's two or three (not that there's anything wrong with that) and I completely and utterly understand why people do it. It's just not for us, long term. Also I'm going back to work in November (sob) so logistically it just wouldn't work.

Dave's boss at work said to Dave before we had Ada, watch out for the NCT mum's group - they tell each other everything. Dave laughed it off, thinking 'yeah right, that will never happen', but we probably do. I certainly don't (consciously) censor myself. I love my NCT mums. It's an odd concept NCT. Pretty much pay a couple if hundred pounds to make friends. And it really is pot luck as to whether you'll all get along. But we all do. There is something comforting about going through the same together, roughly around the same time. We catch up every Tuesday and take about everything under the sun, but poos always feature. I don't know what I would do without these girls. In the first weeks, months, I would be messaging the frantically about something that Ada was doing (pretty much always feeding related) and they would always reassure me that everything is okay, that their babies are doing the same thing too.