Fifty-four

I am nearly a week late posting this, which is indicative of how my life feels right now - there is not enough hours in the day to do all the things I need to do. But we get by and even if I'm just hanging out with Ada, or we go out for a walk, we're having a good time (it's just things like study and this blog which get pushed down the list)

Last week we had our ups and downs. She had her twelve month old jabs as I mentioned and it was hard. But then the next day it was like they had never happened and she carried on her merry old way. 

On Sunday we went to an 'indie poptots disco' which was basically a guy playing music from his laptop that parents would know and we could makes fools of ourselves, dancing with our babies and no one would mind, because if we're all acting silly, no one is acting silly, right?

Afterwards we went to back to Emily, Dave and Max's house and had a lazy Sunday afternoon drinking and chatting and watching the babies play. It was a grey day so it nice to spend it inside with friends

A bad day that got better

Ada had to get her twelve month immunisations today. And it was hard. I've read all the literature about it and am strongly pro-immunisation, but it is still a tough thing to put your baby through.

So early in the morning we went off to see the nurse. Ada was in good spirits, which made it worse. I was taking her into the lion's den. She got her first needle in her arm (there were three in total) and slowly came to the realisation that this was really awful. Needle two and three went in and she was in a flood of tears. This felt a lot harder then her three, four, five month old jabs. She is more of a person now and knows what she likes and has a wonderful, light spirit and to see her upset because of something I put her through was difficult. Big cuddles and a pop up book later and she was a little better. We came home, I have her a bottle and she fell asleep. On me. Which was really sweet, because I think we both needed it. 

She slept for two hours, which is unusual for her, and for that time of day (she fell asleep at ten am) and I had to wake her because we were meeting Dave for lunch. 

A quick jump on the tube and we meet Dave and had burritos for lunch (she had messy spaghetti which is fast becoming her favourite meal). It is always really great to see Dave during the week and I think he really loves seeing her as well - he really only gets an hour at most in the evenings and the weekend, which is never enough for any parent.

Then we went to Waterloo to meet a NCT mum, Miriam, and her girl, Ivy, who is a week younger that Ada. It is half term so Festival Hall was ridiculously busy with mums, dads and older children. Our usual area where we can sit and chat and the babies can run around was taken with kids activities so we went to another area, which had a cardboard city and overlooked a cold, grey, rainy Thames. We spent a couple of hours chatting and running after the girls who were either summoning their inner Godzilla (Ada) or crawling towards the stairs (Ivy). It was a wonderful afternoon.

Then we came home and Ada potted around the house playing with her toys (and my tampons. Who needs to buy loads of expensive things for babies when you can just buy a couple of packs of tampax and they're in heaven?). 


Dave came home for bath time, I gave her a bottle and she went out like a light.

I was really upset this morning, but by the evening we were all smiles and laughter once more.

'This flimsy bit of cord isn't going to hold me back!!!'

'Success in the cardboard city!'

Fifty-three

This week was a good week. My dad, Ada's Poppy, came over and whilst I had to work Monday to Wednesday, we had the next four days off. We went for walks in the park, went to go swimming but it was cancelled, trips to the farmers' markets and had a pub lunch.

Ada has been so sweet and affectionate this past week. She absolutely loves her dad and there are lots of 'Dad-dads' (not very many mums though...). Dave and I have had terrible coughs at the moment and keeping each other awake at night so one of us, usually Dave, will sleep in the living room. Ada usually wakes up around six o'clock and we will bring her into our bed and she will sleep for another hour. This week, because it is just me in there we are able to have a lovely snuggle first thing in the morning. She will hold my face in her soft small hands and beam her smile at me. Lately if I ask her to give me a hug she will (although it could be entirely random though)

First birthday

Big moments are always a chance to pause and reflect on what has gone and what will come. You can always say 'I remember what I was doing this time 'x' years ago. 

This time a year ago Dave and I were marvelling in awe and with a healthy dose of trepidation of this wonderful person we had given life to. I don't remember exact conversations (I was probably incoherent after being awake for  in excess of forty-eight hours anyway) but  I remember vividly the feelings. Overwhelming joy, excitement, fear all mixed into one. And then he left to go home and it was just Ada and I overnight at hospital. 

Fastfoward 12 months and you think 'where has all the time gone?', 'Where has my baby gone'? Time has disappeared, relegated to the recesses of our memory. Our baby has been replaced by a bigger, more sure and aware version of herself. I don't get upset about her being older (a little reflective about it, but not upset). In fact I'm really excited to see unfold the person she is fast becoming. 

We had her first birthday on the Saturday before her birthday. I had been preparing for a good month before - making bunting, presents for the party favours, and just running through my head the million of things I still had to do. Saturday morning came, I had finished the bunting, the cross-stitches, the animal badges all in the nick of time. But I still had cakes to ice, sandwiches to make, and a hall to set up. Luckily our friend Lisa came early to help me this, whilst Dave stayed home with Ada, who had a morning nap, and would bring her up early. 

To say that it was stressful was an understatement. My dad, who was over for ten days had to make a couple of trips back to pick up things, Lisa went out to get more supplies and Dave came up with glasses that we hired and a baby (toddler?) who had become increasingly clingy to him the last couple of weeks. Tensions were high (and maybe some heated phone conversations were had).

But then Dave and Ada arrived, the room was set up and people slowly started to trickle in. There wasn't loads of them - my NCT group, Dave's brother, his wife and their son, a couple of friends with kids and a few non-kid friends to - about twenty adults and ten kids all up. Once they all got there I started to relax (it might have also had something to do with the wine that I started drinking as well...)

The other great thing that had been happening is that we had gone to four birthday parties the preceding weekends, and each one Ada was getting better and better about going and playing with other babies and not being super clingy to Dave all the time (although there was moments when she was). I was worried that at her party it would just be Dave and I walking around, holding her, but she was happy to play with her toys and her friends while we weren't around. 

And as soon as it began, it was all over and we packed up and came back home. We had a quiet evening, and all went to bed early.

The Sunday, Ada's actual birthday we were up early to skype everyone in Australia. We had booked a lunch with Dave, my Dad, Ada and I at the Bolingbroke at twelve pm (a very baby friendly time. Oh how times have changed) but my dad had a stomach ache and couldn't make it so it was just the three of us. We took a leisurely stroll down there, in the hope that she would fall asleep, but she didn't. But it didn't matter - she was really great through all of lunch. We all had a really great time - with a massive thanks to Jessi and Aaron who work there and did so much for us. It was probably the best Sunday lunch I've ever had. 

By the time we left, two hours later, we put Ada in the buggy and she pretty much fell asleep straight away, and we took a leisurely stroll back home.

The weekend started on a really stressful note, but ended on a more slow, relaxed pace. It has been such an amazing year, and I'm so excited to see what the next year brings (no more birthday parties though).

Photos after the jump...

Fifty-two

Whoa baby! You're one already? That has come around quickly. As cliche as it sounds it feels like only yesterday Dave and I found out I was pregnant, and now we have a one year old baby. 

We had a birthday party for her yesterday but today we booked a lunch at The Bolingbroke for Dave, Ada, my Dad and I. Unfortunately  my Dad fell ill so couldn't make it, so it was just the three of us. 

Ada had her first pub meal (messy spaghetti) and her first real taste of sugary cupcakey goodness. She was in heaven. It was a really wonderful lunch (thanks Jessi and Aaron) which will all thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. Ada hadn't napped all day, but by the time we left around two she fell fast asleep in the buggy and we had a leisurely winter stroll home through Clapham Common. 

A perfect way to celebrate her first birthday.

What do you mean it's all gone?

Fifty-one

We just returned from our best baby friend - Poppy's - first birthday. Ada had, for the longest time, a love/hate relationship with Poppy. Poppy absolutely loved Ada but Ada would have none of it. This culminated on New Year's Eve where Allie (Poppy's mum [or mom]) and I thought it would be really nice for them to have a little play and bath together before going to bed and the adults could really have some fun. Ada had other ideas. Any time Poppy came vaguely close Ada would have a meltdown. The bath (together) did not happen. 

But today Ada was great. Poppy was great, but she always is. Ada was happy to leave Dave and I and play with all the babies there. It was really great.

The past few weeks have been first birthday party after first birthday party and it has been really fun. I've looked forward to going to every one of them, but now the realisation that it's Ada's birthday next is starting to dawn on me. I'm not sad that she is growing up, more just sentimental. I'm excited to see what the next year brings, and how much she grows, what she does, what she is interested in.

We also have made so much progress in our swimming classes. About four or five months ago Ada was really upset in quite a few lessons and steadfastly did not want to go to her swimming teacher, Kirsty, when she would do underwater dives. Instead I had to 'swim' her to Kirsty (and not vice versa). This year she has been amazing. No crying before she gets in, doesn't get upset when Kirsty holds her. It makes for a fun time for both her and I. 

Sssshhhh

I've taken the plunge and quit Facebook (well, I will do by the end of the night) and redirected friends and family to this blog. Hello! There are a few reasons why I have done this, namely

One
Removing myself from the distracting that is social media. It's all a bit tiresome these days, and I just can't be bothered with all that malarkey. I need to focus on my family and friends and occasionally work.

Two
Maintaining and controlling my family's privacy. By making this blog private I can (hopefully) control whom I want to share our updates with. Friends from school who I never really like anyway? You're gone.

Three
Momentos. I feel like this blog will better encapsulate the big (and not so big) moments in our lives. I just end up posting a couple of photos with a one work sentence about what it's about. And sometimes that will be fine. And I'm sure I'll do that here (Actually, I'm pretty certain I'll do that here). But for the times when I want to write down and remember feelings/events et al, I have a better forum to do so here.

So with that said and done, here is our weekend gone.

Dave had to go into work on Sunday to work on a pitch that he has coming up for work and it's a pretty big one, so he couldn't (and shouldn't) get out of it. So on Saturday we had plans to go down to Battersea Park for a wander and a play in the playground. And then my friend Jessie asked if we wanted to catch up for breakfast and seeing as though breakfast is my most favourite meal of the day, how could I refuse.

Now the last two or three times we had seen Jessie and Ada had been there Ada had been a miserable grump - either tired or sick or teething or a little of all three. She would be super clingy to either Dave or I (usually Dave these days) and just being a bit of an all round diva. 

But this time it was all different. We went out to lunch, Ada warmed to Jessie, and by the time we walked back to Jessie's for a coffee Ada was super happy, walking all around her flat and even let her have a hold of her. 

I think it was down to a few things. Ada needs to 'warm up to a room'. In any given (new) situation it generally takes her about half an hour to get used to it. She is a bit older now and I think is handling new situations a bit better too. And lastly she wasn't (super) sick or teething. Which makes for a happy babe and a happy Mum and Dad (oh and Jessie had a dog which had her interested, if not a little overwhelmed).

Sunday we had our second NCT 1st Birthday Party. Ivo was having his party at Vauxhall City Farm, with a morning tea, followed by a show and tell of some on the animals there. There was a guinea pig, a weasel (it might have been a ferret), a rat (which was actually kind of cute if you didn't look at it's tail), a bunny (sssuuupppeerrr cute), a Polish chicken and a totally crazy duck. She was middle of the road with all of them - occasionally excited but for the most part vaguely interested. Still I had a good time. Then we got to feed some goats and alpacas, which as a combination could be my most favourite animals ever. 

She fell asleep on the walk home, and then we had a nice mum and baby snuggle of the couch before Dave came home an hour earlier than I was expecting him. 

A great weekend.

Ada and Santa

It has been a busy couple of months for all of us here. I have been consumed with study and revision, and had my exam on Friday. (it was awful - I'm sure I've failed spectacularly). But once I've done the exam I'm pretty good at putting it behind me and focusing on what's ahead. Which mean Ada's first Christmas and spending time with her and Dave.

So on Saturday we had a lot of things to do. We had photos for Christmas cards to get, a Christmas tree to buy and Ada's first photo with Santa to take.

There are a couple of Santa's Grottos around London but we choose the one at the Museum of London at Docklands, which had a 'Victorian Christmas' theme (it was all very Dickens-like). We had to wait in line for a bit, but when we got to the front, a lady asked who Ada was, and how old was she. Then she said something to Ada and she (Ada) freaked out and started crying. A sign of things to come surely. 

I knew it wasn't going to go very well - Ada generally absolutely hates going to strangers. Even with people she knows it can be touch and go. Throw in a creepy old man with a white beard and I knew what her reaction was going to be. And she didn't disappoint

We distracted her with food, a toy tiger, dad, and sitting on my lap and got a less 'this is the worst thing that's ever happened to me' photo.

Here's to the two-thousand and fifteen photo.

Back to work

Tomorrow I start back at work after having just over nine months off. It's a really odd feeling - like this first day back at school but a lot worse. 

Don't get me wrong - there is a part of me that will be really happy to go there and not be thinking about what bad dance move can I do next to made Ada laugh, but a lot of me is just sad.

I'm never going to have this maternity experience again. If and when Dave and I have another child it will always be different to what we have had / are having with Ada. It doesn't necessarily mean it's going to be worse, just different.

I've loved my maternity leave. Not just for the not working bit (and that has been great) but I've loved spending all this time with Ada. I've loved our walks, our coffee stops, playing in the park, meeting our NCT mums and babies, but most of all I love the simple moments (clichéd as it is) like lying on the bed with her and trying to make her laugh. 

I need to remind myself that I'm only going back three days a week and to cherish and remember the amazing nine months that have just gone, and the moments that we're going to have.

(Who am I kidding - I'm really going to miss watching Pointless) 

How can I be leaving this face?

Swim little fish

I decided early on to take Ada swimming - she was around six weeks when she first went. On reflection I don't know why I took her so young - it's pretty crazy. I think I thought 'it's something to do' and also swimming is always going to be an important life skill. 

We went with a company called Puddle Ducks. They are really great. Each lesson is thirty minutes and the first lesson I think she cried for fifteen minutes, I feed her for ten, and there was five minutes where she was tolerant of it. The be fair to her it was probably extremely overwhelming for her, not to mention cold (her bath is around thirty-seven degrees, the pool just over thirty degrees). But slowly, lesson by lesson she got better. And then we stopped for summer holidays, so didn't swim for nearly eight (?) weeks or so. 

On our return, she moved up a class (she was in 'floaties' and is now in 'splashers') and one of the NCT mums that I went with stopped going because she moved further away. There was was one mum from the floaties class that I knew, but everyone else I didn't. It felt like the first day of school - all the other mums knew each other and were quite cliquey (in reality that are really quite nice and I was just being overly sensitive). And Ada absolutely hated it. It was like she had not gone to any previous swimming lessons at all. I thought maybe it was because she hadn't gone in such a long time but the next lesson was equally as bad, if not worse. There was a moment in the class where I thought I might cry - Ada was that upset. And then I thought 'she hasn't asked to be put through this, this is something I've decided for her, and if she's upset it's not her fault {not that I think when she's ever upset it's her fault}) So with this epiphany moment I realised I had to change my attitude about it all (I'm sure Ada was picking up on my apprehension as well). We did some extra swimming the day before our normal swimming  classes to get her a bit more used to it and she really enjoyed it. And then she in turned enjoyed her lessons more too. The teacher, Kirsty, realised that Ada is (generally) fine if I'm holding her and I would swim her under the water to her and not vice versa. She would get a little upset about the underwater moments, but this was only for ten seconds or so.

And then last Friday something wonderful happened. I sat Ada down by the side of the pool, with Kirsty and she cried (as always) until I got into the water and she came back to me. She was then smiling and splashing around. During this lesson, I would give her to Kirsty and she would swim Ada back to me, first above the water and then underneath. We discussed that we would see how Ada would do firstly above the water and if she got upset, I would do the underwater swim to Kirsty. But Ada was completely fine. And then the second time around Kirsty was able to swim Ada to me, without any tears. When Ada surfaced again no tears. She was really, really happy. Some of the other mums mentioned how good Ada was as well. It was the best lesson she every had. I don't want to count my chickens before they've hatched (but let's face it, I already have) but I'm really hoping we've turned our swimming corner.

Her 'anxious-about-swimming' look

I mean, seriously, look how little she is - what was I thinking?

Sleep

Sleep is a thing that most new (and existing?) parents fret over. We are constantly told before the baby arrives to make sure we enjoy our sleep because it will never be the same again. And it's true but also ridiculous. It's not as if I can bank my sleep before having a baby, cashing in six months later when I'm walking around all zombie like.

I remember in the first two weeks (the 'fog') I would become extremely anxious about the evenings. It was winter here still so it would get dark around four or five, and I would start to panic thinking 'what if I'm up all night, how am I going to function the next day?' It was actually really awful, the feeling still so vivid - I can feel it in my stomach. Dave would send me to bed after I had fed Ada and he would stay up with her but I felt as though I was meant to be up with my new family too. Same went for naps during the day. Dave would look after Ada but I thought I should be around them. Eventually I learnt to nap during the day and to not worry so much about the impending nights. I wasn't up all night and even if I did get less sleep then I had hoped too I always figured I could nap during the day and catch up on what I missed the previous night. 

The next fews months things got better, at least in the night. Ada would wake every three or four hours, and my body just got used to the broken six or seven hours of sleep (Also, I realise that in the grand scheme of things, this is pretty good - some mums have it so much more rough then me). And then when Ada was four and a half months old we went to Australia for three weeks to visit family and friends. The first night was horrendous. She, obviously, was all over the place and I think I had about two three hours sleep. I was so upset the next morning. My mum took Ada and I crawled back into bed with Dave and just cried. My emotional state was probably dictated by my sleep depravation, but I felt so so guilty that I had bought Ada half way across the world, trying to coerce her (in a completely non aggressive way) to sleep at a time when she wanted to be awake. In the end we just bought Ada to bed with us and she slept on me most of the night. But that Australia trip was probably the worst jet lag I've ever had. It gradually got better and by the time we were in Melbourne, she was (mostly) sleeping through the night once more. But then we had to do that twenty four hour plus flight again, and start the jet lag process all over again. Except this time I didn't have my Mum and Dave to take her while I slunk back into bed. I was in struggle town.

And then again, we got into a better sleeping pattern, slowly but surely. We did some sleep training and we were able to put her down at seven thirty and she would, ninety-nine per cent of the time, sleep through the night. The occasional wake ups when she had four teeth coming through, or was just having an 'off' night, and you're catapulted back to newborn days. 

So lack of sleep, in the end, wasn't as scary as I throught it would be. Like most things in life (mine anyway) it was the fear of the unknown that was worrisome - the reality is never as bad as you imagine it to be (a mantra I need to remind myself often). However, I will stake a claim though that parents (and insomniacs, probably) know the real value of sleep.  I mean really know the value. That one hours extra sleep before the alarm goes off after having been up for four hours with a teeth baby? Oh man, that's the sweetest dream. 

Amsterdam

Last weekend we took a little family trip to Amsterdam. I (and Ada, obviously) had never been before, but Dave had gone a few years ago, but it was nice to go with the three of us.

Day one

For the first (?) time, I booked a flight that wasn't at six am from an airport on the other side of London (Stansted, Luton), but a more baby-friendly time of eleven am from Gatwick - a mere thirty minute train ride away. However we missed our train from Victoria which put us slightly behind schedule. By the time we got to the check in desk we had 50 minutes until our flight departed (check in closed forty-five minutes before departure - so we were actually cutting it very close). Needless to say, Dave was a bit (a lot) angry with me. He may even had said (did say) if we miss this flight we're going home. But we were ushered to the front of the queue at check-in and made it to the plane as it started boarding. Ada was wonderful on the flight - I fed her on take off and she fell asleep the whole way (to be fair it's only forty-five minutes though - it took us longer to get to the airport). As we were getting off some people said 'we didn't even know there was a baby on the plane'. Cue smug parents look and silent high fives.

When we got to Amsterdam we found out apartment. I say we, but really it was Dave. He is frightenly good at directions, like it's his super power or something. We dumped our bags and ventured out to the walk around, bought some groceries and explored the city. 


Day two
The second day started off grey and miserable and pretty much continued that way until the afternoon. I had booked a restaurant for lunch. So after getting ourselves and Ada ready, we set off. Lunch was really lovely, we were the only people there for lunch. Dave said that in the past he would have felt uncomfortable being in such an empty place, but now, with a nearly nine month old it was bliss. We didn't have to worry about her annoying anyone else, we could take our time and she could make as much noise as she wanted.

Day three
Sunday started off on a much brighter note than Saturday. We decided to hire bikes, one with a baby seat for Ada. We got our bike around nine-thirty and set off. I was planning on cycling with her most of it, but my bike was so high that I found it almost impossible to ride. I could get on it, but felt unstable if I were to come to a red light. So Dave, being a couple of centimetres taller than me (and generally a better cyclist as well) cycled with her on the road. I was a bit worried how she would react - if she would start crying, or if it was too cold for her. But she loved it. She was so excited. We cycled to Vondelpark which was beautiful. Loads of other families cycling, people exercising, tourist meandering. Around lunch time we headed to the Van Gogh museum, and a bite to eat. We ate, Ada ate and fell asleep. The line to the Van Gogh museum was so long, that we decided to give it a miss (sorry Van Gogh, but I've seen Sunflowers at the National Gallery anyway...). Instead we walked around the markets that were in the square and bought some cute things for Ada. After lunch we cycled to the Rembrandtpark, which was much quieter than Vondelpark but no less beautiful. After stopping to feed Ada her lunch, we headed back home, via one last cycle around Vondelpark.

Day four
Monday it was time to head home. We planned our journey with much more time to spare than the flight there, so no tense husband and wife conversations.  However our flight was delayed by at least an hour, which was slightly annoying. Ada was the opposite of the angel baby on the flight to Amsterdam - she was a super miserable grump. There was no smug looks from Dave and I, instead, it was the 'I'm really sorry my baby is grizzling, I'm trying the best I can' look. Of course she fell asleep ten minutes before we had to land though. And then promptly woke up fifteen minutes later as we were going through immigration. We arrived home at five pm to a very excited cat, and a very tired baby. She ended up going to bed without any milk because she was so tired (she did wake up at ten pm and I gave it to her, which she gladly took).

We had such a wonderful time, but coming back it felt a little bittersweet to me. I was looking forward to this holiday so much, but now the only event on my horizon is my return to work and Ada starting nursery. I knew it was going to happen, but it feels likes it's come around so quick.

This is how we eat and entertain in a studio apartment with a sleeping baby

The little pokey outey tongue? - it slays me!

Ready to go home 

A letter to Ada

Little dove! You are eight months young today! Again, you're with your dad because I'm at school, but I know you're having a wonderful time. At eight months you have six teeth. Before we had you I thought that teething would be a horrendous ordeal but these six litre chompers haven't been that bad (I'm sure your molars will be a different story entirely). We've only had one or two mid morning wake ups where it seems all you want me to do is hold you but only if I'm the most uncomfortable ever. No lying on the couch at four am. No, I have to sit on your bedroom floor, with my back resting against the wardrobe cupboards. You seem to sense of I've even put a cushion behind me. All in all we've handled it pretty well.

You are *this close* to crawling. You can worm across the floor, but haven't quite worked out that getting on your knees is much easier. Either which was (I suspect) you hate it and get really frustrated when you can't get close to me. I don't know how long to let you get upset and figure it out for yourself or just help you. (Typical answer - not very long)

So you don't like crawling/worming but you love standing. And this week, if your dad or I are holding your hands, you love walking too. You can pull yourself up using the coffee table as leverage and hold onto it with one hand, and it gives you so much delight. Your balance isn't quite there yet and you do sometimes fall over and give yourself a bump. But a little kiss and a cuddle and you're standing yourself up again and it's soon forgotten.

You're a really funny baby and love smiling at strangers on the bus, who in turn smile back at you. You think the funniest thing is when I or your dad make silly noises at you (the pig snort is a particular favourite) or when we dance really badly (I mean really, really, badly).  I know it's a bit of a cliche but there is no sweeter sounds than your laughter, so we will do whatever we can to make it happen.

Your favourite food is porridge with banana. You get quite demanding in the morning which is quite funny. You'll bang your hands on your highchair if I'm too slow giving you your next mouthful. But really, you love all food - especially if I'm eating it. 

We heart the mornings

Mornings are great for us. Ada is beyond happy first thing in the morning. She hears one (or both) of us creaking into her room and her little face just lights up like it's Christmas morning. She is absolutely crazy over breakfast - she loves porridge and toast and if I'm eating cereal get's super cranky if she doesn't get some. 

We have mornings naps down as well. She generally wakes up around seven am, and goes down for her morning nap around nine-thirty / ten. Again, when she wakes up, she is delighted to see me once more (seriously Ada - I'm always going to be there).

This morning I got our proper camera out and took some shots of her. Because I've never used the camera before she is fascinated by it and the shutter sound which makes for some great photos.